07 April 2008

She Wolves of the Wasteland

She Wolves of the Wasteland
a.ka. Phoenix the Warrior
United States - 1988
Director- Robert Hayes
Echo Bridge Home Entertainment, 2007, DVD

When something like Phoenix the Warrior makes it’s way onto DVD with retooled packaging and a new name to boot, it’s something of a mixed blessing. You lose the cool cover artwork, but gain access to an almost intolerable movie.

Women hunted down in (unmodified) dune buggies by angry group of other women who call themselves “Wolves”.
Our post apocalyptical ladies labor under wire-headed queen mother cyber-crone who prophesies various shit and directs the breeding program from whence a pregnant woman and her warrior friend (Phoenix) flee.

Bring your own dirty and stylishly ripped bikini – skirts to this lavishly un-acted corrugated metal and M-16 fest. All girls, all the time.

Note: Awesome “Over & Under”.
Only the best “extreme” names are used for characters, such as “Riptide”, and “Whiplash”. “Lezpocalypse” fight between Wolves and Phoenix set to sweet synth tension music and defused with waterfall shower scene and sparkle music.
Blargh, baby born among friendly lesbian tribe who debate, then promptly fight rival tribe, the Wolves.
Dusty-closet caliber of homemade, the camera never moves like an early Cable/Sci Fi Channel movie titty flick with ranting monotonous dialogue that nearly bores me to tears.

Great deal of levity featuring TV watching skeletons ensues. Do I sense self fulfilling metaphor!?
I get it, they’re robo Lepers!
I’m reaching, adding a desperately positive outlook to a resoundingly famished and flayed carcass, resume boreification.

Original painted VHS cover art which was modified for the updated photoshopped DVD cover above: Turkish VHS cover art: I can't read the entire tagline on this (European?) VHS cover, but it sounds like it's good:

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