Beaks: The Movie

Beaks: The Movie

A.K.A. – Ataque de los Pajaros (Attack of the Birds)

Spain/Mexico – 1987

Director – Rene Cardona Jr.

International Video Entertainment, 1987, VHS

 Run Time – 1 hour, 30 minutes

Smack!

From the intrepid Mexican biologist cum rogue scriptwriter/director who brought you the homoerotic Latin Jaws knockoff Tintorera: Tiger Shark comes another film with a full-colon in the title, this one an eco-disaster re-envisioning of The Birds. Where Hitchcock depended on sheer psychological terror and statistical visual illusion, Legacy director Rene Cardona Jr. banks on American "actors", the realism of stock nature photography, a stapler, and the pitching arms of several professional pigeon throwers.

Opening with the finest enucleation by bird-of-prey we’ve seen in the decade since Day of the Animals introduced us to such asinine ornithological antics, Beaks! quickly begins testing ones powers of logical conjunction. When a second attack, this one perpetrated by chickens, takes place, news reporter Vanessa (Michelle Johnson) is convinced, despite her employers totally not-sexually objectifying assessment of her (tits)ability to do actual (sex)reporting that there is some kind of connection between all this feathery antagonism. Dragging along her smart-ass boyfriend/cameraman Peter (Christopher Atkins), the pair do a leisurely and agonizing bickering/flirting-couple tour of stock bird photography scenes.

The casual viewer may have a hard time adding panoramic images of birds in flight to claustrophobic close-ups of pigeons smashing into the actors faces and coming up with horror as a sum, but if Christopher’s groan-inducing one-liners don’t provoke an anticipatory cringe or two, just think of the birds. They must be terrified.

Both of these European VHS covers are from the Cinehound Forum.

The Last Circus

It had been almost a decade since I saw any of the films Spanish writer/director Alex de la Iglesia had made. When I read that Balada Triste de Trompeta, A.K.A. The Last Circus was playing in town I was super excited, but like too many things, it slipped my mind and I missed it. Fortunately thanks to this amazing thing called "home-video" I was able to track it down and give it a watch. Much to my delight and horror, it was fucking amazing. I recommend that you read what I wrote about it at Paracinema, and then watch the damn thing, it's soooo good.

Land and Freedom

Land and Freedom

UK/Spain - 1995

Director Ken Loach

Polygram Video, 1996, VHS

Run Time - 1 hour, 49 minutes

The sad remains of a beat up box I got from the library.

These two from IMPAwards

Spanish poster from Movie Poster Database

From pastposters.com

Tombs of the Blind Dead

 

Tombs of The Blind Dead

Spain - 1971

Director - Amando de Ossorio

I bought this poster years ago from a poster shop in Albuquerque when I was living there. The owner was going to a convention in Florida, I asked him to get me anything Blind Dead and he came back with this thing which he said was from Australia.

This is one of my favorite zombie movies ever, but as a fan of excess in American film making, this sounds a little strange to say since Tombs is in no way excessive or over the top. In fact I'm not entirely sure what I like so much about this slow and plodding, film that lacks the gore, nudity and insanity of my other favorite films. All I can say in my defense is that the zombies, The Templars, are rad. What sells them their state of decay which should preclude them from hearing anything, but that's how they find their victims. The atmosphere and tension of those scenes when they are in the room with a person trying to avoid detection; excellent, just excellent.