Yor: The Hunter From the Future

Yor: The Hunter from the Future

Italy, 1983

Director – Antonio Margheriti

RCA/Columbia Home Entertainment, VHS, 1983

Run Time - 1 hour, 28 minutes 

We first posted Yor's nifty tab/flap RCA box way back HERE, but it seemed time to give it a more thorough treatment and by chance, our friends over at Ed's Pop Culture Shack did the same thing....

Not content merely to skim the profits off the still cooling carcass of the sword and sandal cum caveman cycle, Italian director Anthony M. Dawson or Antonio Margheriti as he was sometimes known, decided to weave his ridiculous half-baked story arc into another popular genre, this one culled from the tattered edges of an epic space opera franchise that would later be consumed by a giant evil mouse.



Utilizing the last-minute-generic change of heart for which the Italians held a peculiar affection, Dawson does his countryman and contemporary Bruno Mattei one better by filming a kind of what-if version of Planet of the Apes in which Taylor hits his head during the crash and wanders the planet searching for his identity. (The opening scenes of Beneath the Planet of the Apes suggest that this is precisely what happened since the first film.) Of course, its nearly twenty years and four sequels late, but so were Yor’s special effects, resembling more the homemade, rubber-bat stylings of another late sixties sci-fi television franchise than anything out of the relatively more technological 80’s.


But that’s par for the course with Yor. Even the man behind the mullet-wig, Reb Brown himself was a couple of decades out of step, detouring through European cinema just like Bronson, Eastwood and others did when jobs were scarce in the States. Again though, that was in the late sixties, and those guys had comebacks in the 70's and 80’s when tough-guys were in style along with the president. So those jobs weren’t scarce in the 80’s, Reb just never had what it took to be a tough guy. He’s hard not to love as the scenery-chewing whatever he’s playing, but in spite of his paucity of emotion, he’s simply too cuddly to cut it. His jaunt across the screen as Captain America in the 70’s being perhaps his most memorable domestic role, was nevertheless laughable because the guy lacked the steely ex-paratrooper chutzpa that the character demanded. That’s probably why they deliberately wrote him as the son of the original Captain; plausible deniability.

Yep, its Luciano Pigozzi, the old guy from ExY3K

So too is Reb as Yor, way, and I mean waaaaaaayyyyyyy behind the times. Ostensibly a caveman in the Fiction-olithic era, the film opens with a bang, but quickly devolves into a monotonous whine. By the end we discover that indeed, like its better known simian predecessor, Yor’s planet shared the same fate, and a present that looks like the past is actually a dystopian, post-nuke future. By now, precisely thirty years after Yor’s release in the States it would be superfluous to describe or validate the film, nor do I feel masochistic enough to try. Others have already done so, and better. People familiar with the type of product Margheriti produces, Last Hunter, Cannibal Apocalypse, will not be surprised by Yor’s rambling, sleep-inducing middle act. For the blissfully ignorant in search of something so-bad-it’s-good (as I was, many years ago when I found Yor,) it should be noted that euphemism is highly subjective. Legendary among fans of bad and Italian and particularly bad-Italian, which is a distinct flavor, Yor represents a particular depth of ridiculously inept filmmaking. I can think of other shitty movies that I enjoy more, but few that try so hard.

This French poster art comes courtesy of www.golobthehumanoid.com. I could be wrong, but it looks very much as if it was painted by master comics artist Philippe Druillet.

Other image credits from top:

That's my VHS box

She Blogged by Night

University of Alaska Southeast

Naturalistic, Uncanny Marvelous

 

The Barbarian

El Barbaro (The Barbarian)
a.k.a. Conquest

Italy, 1982

Director - Lucio Fulci

Platino Video, 1995, VHS

Run Time - 1 hour, 28 minutes

Here's an interesting one as far as distribution goes. Video Treasures circulated this tape although under the above Platino Video name, ( think "Latino") which also bears Mexican Home Video label in the bottom right corner. Funny though, the last is written in English...
In any case, Conquest, or "The Barbarian" as it is titled here, was filmed in Mexico, presaging Deathstalker 3 by 5 years or so.

Lone Runner

Lone Runner

Italy - 1986

Director - Ruggero Deodato

Media Home Entertainment, 1989, VHS

Run Time - 1 hour 23 minutes

Predating 1987's Swayze soaked sleeper Steel Dawn by a full year, Lone Runner confirms (because I saw it second of the two films) that after the apocalypse there will be a big demand for metrosexual hair styles. Of course that's entirely because the 80's were so damned awesome that the future, even if it's a post-apocalyptic one, will be just like the 80's. When society falls to its knees only heroes will have designer sculpted stubble.

Last time I found myself at the short end of the Deodato stick was back in 1968's Phenomenal, but Lone Runner offers a strong challenge for supremacy of the bummer pile. Fortunately, Deodato had the good sense to kindof remake it a year later, or at least re-imagine it in a far more entertaining way with 1987's Barabarians. I've seen my share of post-apocalypses, even Italian post-apocalypses (the best kind), and to be honest, most of them are pretty lame. Lone Runner's robed nuke-mutants and endless wandering can't be any worse than She Wolves of the Wasteland right?

I feel like I should give Lone Runner another chance just to be fair, but the memory is such a disappointment that I'm not sure I can muster it. Perhaps it's one of those films that is a drag the first time because you have such high hopes that the crash is all the more profound. Next time I'll be ready for you Lone Runner, next time your stupidity will be fun.

Phenomenal and the Treasure of Tutankhamen

Phenomenal and the Treasure of Tutankhamen

Italy – 1969

Director – Ruggero Deodato

Wizard Home Video, 1984, VHS

Run Time – 1 hour, 26 minutes

It is no exaggeration to say that Wizard Video’s 1884 big-box version of Phenomenal and the Treasure of Tutankamen is the most shocking of VHS disappointment in recent memory. Wizard was Charles Band’s first distribution enterprise specializing in graphic exploitation films. Ruggero Deodato may not be one of the finest directors that Italy has offered up, but without regard to the quality of his work, he is one of the more interesting. As I slowly work my way through Wizard’s and Deodato’s respective catalogues (which only overlapped here,) I have come to expect at the very least banal entertainment.

Here we have the famous mask of Tutankhamen, stolen from a museum and replaced with a forgery the night before the opening of its Paris exhibition. The forgery is passed off as the original and then stolen, the original passed off as a forgery and one or the other put in place of the original. Several groups of shady characters vie for the treasure which never appears after the opening scene. Phenomenal is actually the name of a masked character who pops up randomly throughout the film to fight people involved with the thievery and keep the mysterious quotient unnecessarily high. Actually the dwindling plot is so bent on confusing the real identity of both Phenomenal and the authenticity of various copies of Tut’s mask and who has them that I got tired of the switches. I actually sat through it twice, but stopped giving a fuck about 30 minutes in.

I am looking for someone or something to blame for Phenomenal’s great disappointment. There are a number of factors that are important to consider here when looking for a suitable culprit, let us start with the sources. Production funding for Phenomenal was provided by star Mauro Parenti. Based on the result, most of it funded his vanity. Not to be forgotten is that Phenomenal is a knockoff of the already intellectually undemanding formulaic heist/caper movie pattern that gave us the James Bond franchise and Danger: Diabolik; the ad-nauseum repetition of predictable individualistic male-fantasy violence and sexual innuendo. It is also important to remember that Phenomenal was also Deodato’s first feature length film. He was fresh from assistant directing various exploitation movies as assistant to better known genre mentors like Antonio Margheriti.

But in my opinion the most important thing to consider is Wizard Video’s big box release which I have in my possession. Although they’re known for packaging low budget films in great box art, but it’s not looking promising here. This is the only version that I know of available in the States. It runs a generous 85 minutes, yet clearly lacks the “rampant nudity” which Fab Press's book on Deodato had promised. If you’ll forgive my shallowness in lieu of the foregoing evidence, breasts might have been a welcome relief from the tedium which I have just twice undergone for the sake of “history.”

Although theis scene was in the movie, all nudity has been cut from the Wizard cassette.

 Each of these elements is necessary for Phenomenal’s failure, but none is alone sufficient. The catastrophe that has just unfolded makes me glad for the concept of director as auteur/artist and the invention of the “Director’s Cut”. Unfortunately though, if such a version of Phenomenal were to exist it would likely still be hard to watch. That box is so big and beautiful and I wanted so badly to enjoy myself, but such a thing is not to be.

A slightly different version of this review originally appeared in Paracinema # 12. Lost Video Archive appears in each issue of Paracinema. Number 16 is coming out soon, with a new installment of LVA, we of course recommend that you pick it up ASAP

The two smaller images come courtesy of Tele Port City whom was also rather disappointed with this film..

Once Upon a Time in the West

Once Upon A Time in the West

Italy - 1969

Director - Sergio Leone

I do so love Charles Bronson that I am almost willing to say that this is my favorite of Leone's classic westerns. Woody Strode doesn't hurt of course, even though he's only in the film for the opening scene. I recently read a nice long article in Cinema Retro which proposed that Leone's film was a response to 1962's romantic fantasy How the West Was Won. Something of a darker, more cynical vision, though I would argue no less fantastical or romantic.

This poster by artist Rudolfo Gasparri

Obsession: A Taste For Fear

Obsession: A Taste For Fear

Italy - 1988

Director - Piccio Raffanini

Imperial Entertainment Corp., 1989, VHS

Run Time - 1 hour, 30 minutes

Some of my favorite future-sci-fi movies are the ones set in a year which, by the time I see the film, has already passed. I just love laughing at vintage dreams. Even post-apocalyptic films usually do the same thing. They may be dystopian but usually they are typified by fantastic technology and absurd fashion, strange languages. But my, things sure didn’t end up nearly as awesome as they thought they would. Still you can’t help but sympathize with the poor optimistic suckers. Just like we all often do, these films imagined and hoped for something different and better than what they had. Most of them did anyway. There was one era which was so narcissistic that it didn’t really look forward for the future so much as in the mirror.

It is hard to see it now except in film because that is such an all encompassing medium. But if movies are any kind of cultural barometer, the 80’s was so convinced, so all fired sure that the it was the raddest that stuff would ever get, that it cocieved a future that looked, sounded and acted just like itself. Obsession: A Taste For Fear takes this sort of instantaneous self-adoration to new circular depths. It starts with a cookie-cutter thriller/Giallo plot in which young women keep turning up dead and at one time or another everyone is a suspect. Australian actress Virginia Hey stars as Diane, a snotty fashion photographer whose ex-husband George makes abstract video porn. Both call their work “art” presumably because it features boobs, neon and computer screens; all sure to be popular in the future. Soon, their shared models begin to get killed off, their deaths filmed in videos that look just like Diane’s photos and George’s pornos. And just like Obsession: A Taste for Fear. Of course, this makes both of them prime suspects and a surly cop chases them around between scenes of harshly-lit softcore and second-string period hits on the soundtrack. Finally Diane’s gay assistant is revealed to be the killer and Diane herself retreats cathartically into her pornographer Ex’s reassuring grasp. Ladies and gay men take note; the future may remain less than liberatory.

Wow, I honestly don’t know if I can compute that. If the future is exactly like right now how do we know it’s even the future? Truth be told, Obsession does have an odd looking car in one scene and I heard a rumor about a ray-gun somewhere. There are a few computers that clack and bleep so that’s peripherally, hintingly supposed to be the future I guess. What gave it all away though was the overwhelming sense that what was happening on screen, and on the screens on screen, and on screens on screens on screen, was the most significant and important thing that could happen. It was the feeling of imminence exuded like last night’s cocaine from every solipsistic pore of Obsession that made it an exercise in self abuse. It’s the sort of future that looks great in everything except the rear-view mirror.

Anzio

Anzio

United States - 1968

Director - Edward Dmytryk

Columbia/Tristar Home Entertainment, VHS, 2000

Run Time - 1 hour, 57 minutes

In the midst of the United States' darkest hour in Vietnam came black-listed director Edward Dmytryk's Anzio, based on the very real Operation Shingle in January of 1944.

Operation 'Nam

 
Operation ‘Nam

Italy – 1986

Director – Fabrizio De Angelis

IDF Films, 1986, VHS

Run Time – 1 hour, 35 minutes

The ‘Nam was such a major shock to the United Statesian social psyche that it catalyzed over a decade of filmic reinterpretations and finger pointing. Here at Lost Video Archive we’ve talked about the well-worn cast of comfortingly predictable stereotypes to which United Statesian ‘Nam movies quickly devolved. The unhinged ‘Nam Vets and sensitive killers are fun and all, but never so entertaining as when percolated through the Italian exploitation cinema machine. Fabrizio De Angelis' Operation ‘Nam is the most intense concentrated dose of predictable ‘Nam that I have had the pleasure of experiencing.

Ethan Wayne kicks grandpa ass.

Dispensing with all pretense, Operation ‘Nam opens with its four protagonists weathering a barrage of ‘Nam Vet stereotypes that doesn’t stop until the clip is empty. Within seven minutes one man’s wife declares that “you ‘Nam vets aint worth shit!” A potential employer says “Three years in ‘Nam don’t count for shit” on his resume. A pawnbroker assessing military medals offers, “Yeah, looks like you fought the whole Vietnam War by yourself pal. How much did you say you want for these?” At her wedding a third man’s daughter complains that her dad and his war buddies embarrass her and the wife throws them out. Deciding to commiserate over a few cold ones they head to a nearby bar where they have a run in with some WWII and Korean War vets who call them druggie cowards from a pussy war.

A few brief minutes to catch your breath and then, government conspiracy tales kick in full blast. Channeling all the Chuck Norris they can muster (Missing in Action came out just two years earlier) our squad of protagonists, (their fourth ‘rescued’ from a mental hospital) confront the charge that Washington knows about but doesn’t care about the P.O.W.’s still in ‘Nam. But why hold the Fed accountable when you can still blame the Vietnamese! So our protagonists head back to Southeast Asia to re-fight the war in under an hour. Along the way they pick up weapons from Donald Pleasence, a holdover French priest with a stash of firearms available for packs of embittered ‘Nam vets. The next forty-five minutes of explosions (including a toy helicopter!), gunfire and yelling go precisely according to cinematic formula. The accompanying chase results in the deaths of all the rescued P.O.W.’s, the whole point of the operation actually being the philosophical redemption of the soiled honor and dignity of veterans.

'Nam Vet vs. The World

Operation ‘Nam would be exactly like any other crude Vietnam conspiracy movie except that it’s exactly like all other ‘Nam conspiracy movies in one fucking movie. Stacked with a stable of action-exploitation movie veterans that includes Gordon Mitchell, Manfred Lehmann, John Steiner and John Wayne’s son Ethan, this movie is the very meaning of “if you see only one shitty reactionary ‘Namsploitation movie in your life” make this the one. Operation ‘Nam covers all the bases without any of the confusing subtlety or moral complications of its contemporaries.

When Women Played Ding Dong

When Men Carried Clubs and Women Played Ding Dong

Italy - 1974

Director - Bruno Corbucci

That is a terrible poster, but then again, it's not the visuals that are really doing the selling.

The most notable aspect of this film which I haven't seen is that the makeup was done by Gianetto Di Rossi, master of zombie-gore.

Les Petroleuses

 

Les Petroleuses

France/Italy - 1971

Director - Christian-Jacque

Starring - Brigette Bardot and Claudia Cardinale

I was attracted to this poster by the western theme combined with the name of Claudia Cardinale whom I first became familiar with in Once Upon A Time In The West.

Waves of Lust

Waves of Lust

Una ondata di piacere (original title)

Italy - 1975

Director - Ruggero Deodato

Night of the Sharks

Night of the Sharks

Italy – 1988

Director – Tonino Ricci

Media Home Entertainment, 1990, VHS

Run Time – 1 hour, 27 minutes

Whether or not he intended it, writer/director Tonino Ricci managed to revive explicitly in Night of the Sharks many of the cinematic tropes that had become taboo yet implicit in popular Euro/American film by the time this was made. It immediately evokes an era when overt racial characterization was the norm, with ethnic characters that are so cartoonish that they seem to belong more in an American film of the 40’s or 50’s than of the late 80’s. It’s as if the practiced subtlety of Hollywood prejudice was profoundly lost in translation. Perhaps Ricci (who also co-wrote) thought that if he was just more blatant audiences would like it that much more. Because of a few moments of sloppy editing I get the impression this film was longer and gorier at one point but was cropped to retain what must have been perceived as the more appealing elements in a trimmed running time. At 87 minutes, a poor mix of action and intrigue steeped in crude racism barely warrants the title “Night of the Sharks”.

Life in the affluent U.S. is difficult. One must toil and toe the line to keep even a modicum of dignity and stability, and a lifetime of struggle rarely results in anything more than terminal averageness. That is why Latin America and the Caribbean are so appealing. It is untroubled by the modern complexities of civilization, making it desirable, nigh on imperative that Northerners take advantage. Domination isn’t a matter of intent then, it’s simply the natural state of things because those Others are in need of leadership and guidance. Of course, no matter how hard they try they can never quite achieve parity. It is a well worn assumption that the Global South is an impoverished and backwards fruit ripe for the gringo picking. If you want something or want to make something for yourself, Latin America is the place to go. It is escape and opportunity all in one. All of this is simply the backdrop however for Night of the Sharks' peculiar Italian take on the transnational cultural politics of the Americas.

The anonymous* locals in this case fit the bill perfectly. Lazy, shiftless men sit around waiting to fight gamble or drink, both at the slightest provocation. The local woman Juanita in particular is the idealized exotic subject, never quite acceptable in polite white society, but desirable and always, always available to satisfy the protagonists needs no questions asked. Dave (Treat Williams) likes to spend his time in a sleepy beach village drinking beer, sleeping with Juanita and laughing at the bufoonish antics of his buddy Paco (Antonio Fargas). Paco also serves as Dave’s foil, being both black and Latin (Panamanian to be exact) and dressed awkwardly to the nines in a baggy white suit. His is the quintessential “coon” character, cowardly, lazy and constantly pulling inept attempts at “refinement,” all which serve to reify Dave’s superior cultural status over and over again.


Dave’s reverie of self-satisfaction is soon wrecked by the arrival of a series of painful reminders of his former life. His brother James shows up from the States with a load of stolen diamonds and a bunch of hired goons trying to get them back. Shortly after James is killed leaving Dave with the diamonds, Dave's ex-wife Liz also shows up to to make things even more difficult. Liz repeatedly tries to deny Dave the expression of his masculine independence, something Juanita surely never did. However, she is reassuringly white and thus poses no threat. Juanita suddenly vanishes from the script, nowhere to be seen.

The remainder of the story are Dave's confrontations with these external reminders; quibbles with Liz, trying to keep Paco in line and one prolonged shootout with the goons sent to recover the diamonds. But the plot does actually feature a shark, the one-eyed “Cyclops” with whom Dave has a longstanding rivalry. Cyclops makes his presence felt in important if peripheral ways. Dave and Cyclops’ relationship is really more symbiotic than antagonistic to tell the truth because Cyclops never goes away and is never defeated. It is Dave’s lingering sense of identity and past, a perpetual threat of return to anonymity. Dave has tried to escape, and he won this battle, but no matter how easy his exile may be or how much he tries to justify it, it is always there waiting in the reef for another chance to bite him in the ass.

* NotS was filmed in the Dominican Republic

This gnarly screencap of Janet Agren's Liz getting recycled by Cyclops only lasts about .5 seconds on this VHS version so I think it was sloppily censored. I don't know what would make someone think that cheesy gunfights and Jim Crow should be left in instead. Maybe they knew their target audience better than I give them credit for.
\

 An amazing poster by prolific Italian artist Symeyoni, from Wrong Side of the Art

Poster that became the VHS box, this comes courtesy of Movie Poster Shop

. The artist's signature is "S. Dewey", but I cannot find anything else on or by this person. Any tips would be appreciated.

Revenge of the Godfather

Revenge of the Godfather

Original Title: L’amico del padrino (The Godfather’s Friend)

Italy – 1972

Director – Frank Agrama

Saturn Productions Incorporated Video, 1988, VHS

Run Time – 1 hour, 27 minutes

I am always amazed at the proliferance of the Vietnam Veteran stereotype. Popular mythology about Vietnam pointed to its uniquely extreme juxtaposition of decadence and violence that left its U.S. victims socially scrambled. Hence, they return to the world but are unable to fit in, and use their military skills to perform extralegal jobs, as Richard, the former chemical warfare specialist does when he uses “heart attack gas” to whack the Godfather’s enemies. In the case of Revenge of the Godfather however, it is merely a passing point of interest in a story that really revolves around two war buddies who went separate ways after the ‘Nam. Like many Italian movies, the difference between their moral poles is somewhat ambiguous in Revenge of the Godfather. See, Antonio and Richard (Richard Harrison) may have gone different directions on the path of good and evil, but they’re both womanizing hitmen working for the mafia.

Richard is haunted by the memory of a childhood birthday party in which several hitmen burst into his home in the middle of the birthday song, and murdered his sister and mother. He still dislikes his job, but uses it merely as an opportunity to track down his family’s killers, thus making his murders righteous. His old buddy Antonio is just the opposite, using his ‘Nam skills for self enrichment. He relishes his job and dresses, speaks and acts in an uncouth manner, is unshaven and constantly patronizes Richard. Let’s be perfectly honest here, there was no question that Richard Harrison was the good guy the moment he walked on screen, but this film is directed by auteur of incoherence Frank Agrama, the guy who brought us such classics as Dawn of the Mummy. Agrama’s aversion to coherence makes it difficult to verify any plot thread for certain. It was only with the addition of two women that differences besides fashion sense became apparent between Richard and Antonio.

Layla is younger and more attractive but also needy and Richard gives her the boot for being too demanding and clingy. Jenny (Erika Blanc) however is more calculating and  more loyal, and with some trepidation she accepts his cold reserved attitude. Antonio immediately uses Layla, but rejects her demands for reciprocation. By the end of the movie she returns to Richard, where though marginalized, she at least feels safe. Eventually in the final scenes she is killed outright helping Richard during a firefight with his former employer’s men. Richard’s emotional distance and secretiveness are crucial to his identity, and Jenny's acceptance of this mark her as the proper woman, subordinate to the male need for freedom of action and from explanation.

Richard never tells anyone what his motivations really are (we only know because of some confusing flashback scenes) and whether or not this is intentional, or due to another careless transfer from Saturn Video, it works hand-in-glove with Agrama’s narrative minimalism. Inserting the Vietnam reference is an easy way to “explain” a lot of shit without having to explore it, and it gets Agrama off the hook in a sense. Not Richard. The Italian sensibility is rather less wedded to the notion of righteousness and moral redemption than your usual Hollywood fare, and though the signs may point to our hero having the moral high-ground, that doesn’t guarantee him a sunset to ride off into.

A Fistful of Dollars

A Fistful of Dollars

Italy - 1964

Director - Sergio Leone

I recently discovered that well known illustrator Bob Peak did some posters for the Sergio Leone westerns, including these two, or rather this one, re-designed for an advance (below, notice no title). If you're an illustrator, make sure your contract precisely describes how, and how many times the client is allowed to use your artwork.
Incidentally, you can also download a free version of that title font at 1001 Free Fonts, it's called "Eastwood."

Yorythmics: Sweet Hunter From the Video Future

What do Yor The Hunter From the Future and the Eurythmics: Sweet Dreams the Video Album have in common?

Why, those crazy tab-boxes from RCA/Columbia Home Video of course!
Allow me to wax nerdy for a second; these boxes are super cool, even more so than those crazy double-flap boxes that VCII was putting out in the early 80's. What can I say, I like technical packaging. I also like that the brand was identified by the similar package design. This was typical of the period when home video was still a new concept and studios wanted people to associate a certain level of quality with their brand. Branding and trademarking took place in packaged food products in the late 1800's in exactly the same way. Of course, when home video took off they realized it was a big waste of money to have to make thousands of fancy die-cut boxes like this and everybody switched to the standard single flap-top/open bottom. And who said the future would be better?

Yor The Hunter From The Future

Italy - 1983

Director - Antonio Margheritti

RCA/Columbia Pictures Home Video, 1983, VHS

Run Time - 1 hour, 28 minutes

Eurithmics: Sweet Dreams The Video Album

United Kingdom - 1983

Director - Derek Burbidge

RCA/Columbia Pictures Home Video, 1983, VHS

Run Time - 1 hour, 2 minutes

Paganini Horror

Paganini Horror

Italy - 1989

Director - Luigo Cozzi

There is not much Luigi Cozzi material out there, he only directed some 15 films and several of those are very hard to get in the US, this being one. I wish I could see because it looks totally idiotic but fun. That's not a surprise, it is Cozzi, possibly the only guy who could make a horror film about a syphilitic violinist.
Incidentally, Paganini was one of the "characters" Klaus Kinski developed and was obsessed with, regularly raving like a madman "in character" even off screen if Herzog is to be believed.
The above poster comes courtesy of Kitley's Crypt, and you can watch a trailer for Paganini Horror at Cult Trailers.

Exterminators of the Year 3000

Exterminators of the Year 3000

Italy – 1983

Director – Giuliano Carnimeo

Thorn EMI Video, 198?, VHS

Run Time – 1 hour, 41 minutes

Many years ago, before I had fully grasped the breadth of Italian exploitation cinema, every visit to the video store was an exciting suspenseful event. The moments of jubilation have thinned out a bit over the years, coming less and less often the more movies I see, but they’re still there. Often, when digging through the archive, I can re-live some of those moments with my old Italian friends.

Much attention has been recently and deservedly shined upon Enzo Castellari’s awesome 1982 film New Barbarians here and here, or Warriors of the Wasteland as it is sometimes called. The unexpected grab-bag of plot elements in that film are pretty stunning when you first see them. On subsequent viewings one can only wonder if such odd and shocking choices were intentional or incidental. It really is quite an experience, but for me it came several years after seeing another movie that really blew my mind. As a result I can only compare New Barbarians, and frankly any other Italian post-apocalypse film somewhat unfavorably with Giuliano Carnimeo’s 1983 cheap epic Exterminators of the Year 3000 (Gli sterminatori dell’anno 3000, or ExY3K)

Before my exposure to this film I’d had no idea that the Italians had ripped off anything other than horror movies and westerns. By “ripped off” I mean of course, “made much more entertaining”, but ExY3K was a revelation that opened the door to a whole new realm of dizzy anticipation. Exterminators runs with the random, ad-hoc style that typifies Italian narrative, and sets it to classic low-quality Italian synthesizer (from Detto Mariano.) When one character plays the theme on his harmonica, no attempt is made to simulate a harmonica sound on the audio track. It is as crudely dubbed and instantly recognizable as the English voices from any number of Italian movies and makes me feel like I’ve known these people through the thick and thin of their lives. From the zombie onslaughts to the bank robberies, to the desperate hand to hand combat in the nuclear wasteland.

"Once more into the breach you mothergrabbers!" Crazy Bull and his lieutenant oversee some extermination.

The antagonist of Exterminators is Crazy Bull who speaks in Shakespearean English, including one-liners literally lifted straight from the Bard’s plays. He constantly refers to his henchmen as “mothergrabbers,” though they should in fact be properly addressed as “The Exterminators.” Their namesake is Crazy Bull’s oddly titled car, The Exterminator which, mass and velocity aside, carries no offensive capabilities. This car, clearly at the center of the films whole naming scheme, is pure enigma and serves only to keep the covetous Crazy Bull and his gang circling the protagonists like a pack of wolves.

Those protagonists are largely unsympathetic and underdeveloped save two, Tommy the little kid and Papillon the elderly ex-astronaut. Tommy and Papillon bond over the former's completely unexplained “biomechanical” arm and Papillon’s stash of vintage pull-tab Miller High-Life and Tecate beers. While he claims he can no longer even remember how to get to the moon, Papillon has no trouble repairing, and even adding custom modifications to Tommy’s robo-limb. Tommy eagerly swills Papillon’s beer as an anesthetic, while the old guy works his magic and reminisces about the good old days. This relationship is the intoxicating golden nugget around which the rest of the film lazily swirls, giving us a brief glimpse of the world as it was, is, and can be. The other two protagonists are aptly named to describe their place in this circular story arc; Alien and Trash. They are solitary opportunists, but the characters with whom the viewer ultimately identifies, for they are the ones who have the coolest costumes and the transformative experience, ably guided by the optimism and promise of Tommy and Papillon.

Biomechanical arm plus Tecate equals awesome!

Most post-apocalypse story arcs adhere to some sort of heavy handed morality. The Italians however prefer to pile on the fun stuff like they were punk kids making a movie from a box of “cool parts.” What’s good about ExY3K is it manages to play that ridiculous combination with absolute sincerity, even ending it with an ironic twist that makes the entire narrative basically pointless. It is a surprise worthy of any Bruno Mattei film. It is an artifact of an era when exploitation cinema was white-hot and the Italians were ready at the video forge. If I could construct a post-apocalypse world all my own, these things would be happening in what remained of southern Italy at the same time that Max was roaming Oz.

This nice Roadshow Home Video sleeve is from Rolfens DVD of Denmark.

This Medusa Home Video sleeve comes from Post-Apocalypse.co.uk

Here's the Exterminators of The Year 3000 trailer courtesy of AussieRoadshow

Some low-rez alternate sleeves from the US and Greece respectively