18 February 2008

Hunter's Blood

United Statesl – 1986
Director – Robert C. Hughes
Embassy Home Entertainment, 1987, VHS
Run Time - 1 hour, 42 min.

Surprisingly comfortable within the warm fold of 80’s exploitation, Hunters Blood, with all the B names behind it, has a lot to go on, and with little hesitation it sets to work. The cover, and box synopsis immediately invoke Deliverance, an association I am surely not the first to draw (and in fact the reason I bought it). Nevertheless, Hunters Blood quickly sidesteps any chance at class with an instant shower scene, an asexual one, but the point is that we establish this as exploitation right away.

David (Samuel Bottoms, Lance the surfer in Apocalypse Now) and his dad (Clu Gulager) don flannel & vests and hop into his uncles rumbling Bronco and rip up the road on their yearly hunting trip. Picking up dads brother and his New York lawyer buddy Marty (Joey Travolta) they back slap their way up to a beer joint in the Apilachians where loudmouth Marty plays the boorish tourist and gets the vengeance ball rolling. After sexually harassing the barmaid, they get in a knife fight with some more hillbillies, and take flight in the Bronco.
With sheer stupid blundering luck propelling them from here on, the protagonists run into the redneck’s poaching operation. Time after time they are self-trippingly lucky enough to escape, capture, be captured by and escape again the bloodthirsty filth encrusted hillbillies. Yet, despite prolific flayed and crucified warnings from skittish Game Wardens, the group resorts to positive thinking.
Thanks to good old fashioned yankee naivete, they continue the hunting trip. It is this very stubborn determination to die that makes the horror films of this generation so watchable.

Somebody has to get shot, yes, there will be blood in this movie. Between a fair mix of shrieking idiocy and meat-headed obstinacy, the surviving civilised guys will, after a few dramatic personnel cutbacks, surely catch the last meat wagon back to town .






VHS sleeve from Backwoods Horror

  The poster whence came the artwork. Courtesy of 123 Nonstop as is the one below.


16 February 2008

Bare Behind Bars

Bare Behind Bars
a.k.a. A Prisao
Brazil - 1980
Director – Oswaldo de Olivera
Theatre Pictures, 19??, DVD

Bare Behind Bars has the benefit of a few years experience. The 60’s & 70’s gave us a taste, and so by the time things got really graphic, the industry had some idea what the public wanted from a women in prison flick. The grindhouse was just still around, and home video market didn’t really exist yet, so these things still had a venue. It was the transition from the former to the latter that was the impetus for the home grindhouse.

Being a “foreign” offshoot of WIP movies, BBB has all the benefit of its forebears. No pun intended, but really, the market audience has been targeted with precision. Fluff is dispensed with before the film even starts, and within minutes, mostly open green blouses are shed for a giggly shower fight scene ended with a fire-hose.

Immediately post-credits, the warden inflicts lesbianism on the rebellious friend of a recently deceased inmate, a theme repeated thrust home and which will undoubtedly lead to her downfall at the hands of said inmate. But, too distracted by the veritable buffet of cowed flesh, the warden and her open shirted lieutenants have their hands too full to pay much attention to a coup. The prison nurse, an ether addicted lesbian floozy, meanwhile tongue bathes the trim and conspires to let them all escape if they agree to 40 more minutes of grainy predictable friction. Fights, breast massages, groin grinding aplenty and copious moaning accompany shots of beatings, solitary confinement and shiv inflicted prison justice.

While it disposes with most of the excessive plot of other more moralistic, or humorous entries in the WIP genre, and also with most of the stomach turning gritty hardcore of still others, BBB manages to insert all the earmarks of the genre, peppered with just enough secular absurdity to make a good excuse. Bare Behind Bars shows a lot, but doesn’t say much, which, at the very least keeps it honest.


The Blue Underground DVD cover. This version is undoubtedly better than the DVD I found and probably doesn't have the japanese subtitles.

10 February 2008

Jungle Warriors

Jungle Warriors
a.ka. Euer Weg fuhrt durch die Holle
Germany - 1984
Director- Ernst R. von Theumer
Media Home Entertainment, 1985, VHS

What a whole load of good vibes I got off this movie. Sybill Danning is in it, and I saw a photo-still of her holding an assault rifle and standing with a bunch of girls in bikinis. "This son-of-a-bitch has got to be really good," I thought. I read that it was directed by a German guy, and originally went by a German title, cool, I like German sensibility. Fuggin' guns and drugs 'n' girls in small clothing, what could be better, right?
It opens with a short battle scene involving Woody Strode in a beret and sporting a small children's bow and arrow. Lethal in jump cuts at all ranges, Strode and Co. kill all other people in the scene, whoever they're supposed to be.

A fat white guy, John Vernon (Chained Heat and tons of other crap) is a sleazy, cocky American drug dealer who heads down to fictional cartel country to cut a huge deal with an even fatter white guy (posing as a brown guy). In the meantime blonde jerky-stick (Marjoe Gortner of Starcrash) is dragging his squad of supermodels down to South America for an exotic photo shoot. Get it? Massive narcotics deal, plus massive sex appeal equals action movie! With hot chicks! And no action!


This turns so quickly into a talkie that it's hard to really shake the first couple of scenes from your mind. Wait, Marjoe just got impaled on a jungle trap, are you really going to attempt to develop the shallow ridiculous plot for the next hour? I was made sad by so much of the repeated foundering at intrigue this attempted that, with the CIA ops and cartel and fat white dudes, it completely lost me.
John Vernon and Sybil Danning are both remarkably disappointing in the wake of Panther Squad, and Chained Heat, some of my recent favorites. All in all, this flick is punctuated by a few moments of effectively repugnant behavior and a more or less awesome soundtrack (except for a scene of 80's pop pap). And as excitingly gross (no really) as that is, the movie never seems ready to admit that that's it's purpose. If only we could admit that sometimes all we wanted was big boobs and bloodsplosion medicine. Then maybe we wouldn't get tricked into gagging repeatedly on this completely inedible spoon called "plot".




Some DVD covers from Europe and Japan, poor suckers.A crappy French poster:Compare the Jungle Warriors video box at the top, with the box art from Future Hunters, I think they're the same artist!

05 February 2008

Future Hunters

United States/Philippines - 1985
Director – Cirio H. Santiago
Vestron Video, 1989, VHS

2025, in the aftermath of a nuclear holocaust, a guy with a suggestively biblical name is running away from a bunch of Mad Max throwbacks. Arriving at a decrepit brick building, he finds the Spear of Longenus, the spear that pierced the side of Christ as he was crucified, and apparently, allows people to travel through time. To prove the point, the guy grabs it and ends up in 1989, at the same building.

Michelle is a hot archaeology nerd poking around the building with her boyfriend Slade (Robert Patrick) when future guy shows up, saves em from some bikers, hands em the spear and mumbles something in a monotone before croaking
Resorting to a bickering match which is set to continue for the rest of the movie, the happy couple are soon menaced by some goofy Nazi goons who in similar fashion make a repeated whack-a-mole nuisance of themselves. In search of the other half of the spear, the couple flees to Hong Kong where, they meet up with Bruce Le who flexes his sweaty muscles, has a kung fu fight then vanishes from the script (exotic isn’t he?). Returning to their hotel just in time to rescue Michelle’s goods from some slavering natives, Slade is subjected to another practiced and scripted belittling, the shame of which he masks by assaulting a bellboy with his bulge.
The closer we get to the climax of this thing, the longer it feels and the more bizarre the plot twists become, but the introduction of a native militia, a small army of cave-dwelling midgets, and a band of fierce horny amazons can’t save the film from spiraling into a longwinded if action packed conclusion.
Throughout the film, bonehead jock Slade whines and complains, trying at every turn to throw in the towel, for which he is repeatedly upbraided by Michelle. Yet, despite the fact that she is the motivating force behind the entire plot, all the other characters essentially ignore her, and cast her aside to be smothered, along with a great plot, beneath a deluge of crude silly genre clichés.

30 January 2008

Flashpoint

United States - 1984
Director- William Tannen
Thorn EMI Video, 1984, VHS

Director Tannen hasn't done ass in the way of film since this, his debut. Probably 90% of his films are ass, but admittedly I've only seen two of the other films he directed, both of them among Chuck Norris's worst films. In that context anyway, Flashpoint should seem pretty good, and I think William Tannen would agree.
Ernie (Treat Williams) and Bobby (Kris Kristofferson) kick it off as two unruly Texas Border Patrol agents, a thankless job just made thankless-er by the announcement that the department is making some personnel cutbacks. And to add insult to injury, they themselves have to install the geo-sensors that will monitor the border instead of them. The first half of this movie is all pretty straightforward, at least when compared to the second half, but now it definitely warrants a second viewing, when I'm actually paying close attention. Let's just hope this convoluted political conspiracy trick doesn't rub thin too fast.
In the bush, Bobby accidentally discovers a jeep buried in the sand, and after digging it out finds among the contents a sketeton, a scoped rifle and 80,000 bucks. Seeing it as his and his buddy Ernie's chance to get lost, he lets him in on the find. Despite his fiery temper, Ernie is scared of getting caught and hems and haws, dragging his feet along the way. Their jerk boss assigns them to stake out a remote airstrip where drug shipments are arriving from Mexico, but they must cooperate with some super shady federal agents led by the icy Agent Carson. When the plane lands it's clear that the Feds have something up their sleeves when the bust is foiled by aberrant gunfire. All this business is a little weird, but it's set to get weirder as soon as Ernie and Bobby start to trace the info in the skeletons wallet. Some disconnected phone numbers in Washington DC, and a license plate. The Fed exceeds the friendly groping demarcation line and gets altogether too friendly. E & B's plan starts to unravel.
Once all the serious "conspiratorial cover-up" starts flying, I'm still not sure where the "flash-point" is, but everybody gets distinctly more hostile towards each other. The interaction between the characters throughout the entire film has almost been a wonderful dream, but the final resolution, despite the setting, is historically abrupt. In the final dial up, the ultimate reveal concedes at least one of two unfortunate facts, either:
a.) you have a working knowledge of JFK conspiracy theories, and figured this movie out in the first 5 minutes.
b.) you didn't pick up on that connection in the first hour and 20 minutes but will, in the last 5 minutes, accept and be convinced by a flashing crosscut shot of a JFK death newspaper article, and a desperate morality monologue.

This movie doesn't rock, but it tries hard, and it's worth sticking around through the stellar dialogue even if the payoff is barely worth the money.

27 January 2008

Seizure


Seizure
United States - 1974
Director – Oliver Stone
Prism Entertainment/Cinerama Releasing, 1988, VHS

A very early film from Oliver Stone, in fact his second coming, according to IMDB only after the student film he made after he returned from Vietnam. Seizure is second to very few in my mind as far as pointless boredom go, and I found the deteriorated quality of this VHS tape and requisite tracking button struggle to be a welcome distraction from the affront to my aesthetic senses.


A bunch of rich, not really so good looking assholes show up at their buddy Blackstone's mansion for a weekend of rich people behaviors. Their women all wear small or large things and orbit subserviently within their mens domineering shadows.

Having a horrible dream, Edmund Blackstone induces a pall of intolerably monotonous yammering and criminally cheap minimalist soundtrack over the remaining film. During a discussion at the dinner table, he suddenly sees a dwarf (Hervé Villechaize, a.k.a. Tattoo) at the window and leaves the table to tuck his son into bed and terrify him by telling him about his inner demons.
 
I found some comfort in knowing that with each death and each vacant utterance to issue from the mouths of these detestable philistines, I was closer to the end, and having sat through this, I know what eyescratching ugliness is. The forthcoming seizure is undoubtedly symptomatic of alcohol poisoning.
Nonsensical dreaming insanity, the dwarf smashes through the dining room window, and imposes a cruel, terrifying footrace ending in the front lawn. The whole thing is observed by the son Jason, whom Blackstone and his wife then lock in a steamer trunk. Soon a Queen of Evil, and an Executioner character show up and the houseguests are each randomly disposed of in various forgettably undramatic and tame ways.

26 January 2008

Ethnic Notions

Ethnic Notions
United States - 1986
Director – Marlon Riggs
California Newsreel, 1987, VHS

This isn’t even a documentary. I’ve seen several California Newsreel pieces now, and I believe they live in a netherworld between documentary and education. They show how cultural edifice exists, and analyze the fallacy of its construction in a very tangible, direct way.

Ethnic Notions doesn’t stray from that line, rather it confronts the manufactured image of Blackness as perceived or more precisely imagined, by white culture full force. The film begins with an explanation of the development of Black stereotypes; the Mammy, Sambo, Coon, Pickaninny and Uncle Tom, which have been promoted and used since the advent of American slavery to the American Civil War, into modern pop culture.

An interesting problem that the film and the persons interviewed, both black and white, convey, is the idea of contradiction. The best way I can describe this is that in order to move beyond basic subservience, Black Americans have had to reinforce the very stereotypes which reduce them to a state of subject, and servitude. Throughout the film, from the original minstrel character of Jim Crow, to Eddie Murphy’s Axel Foley, multiple and clear examples of servile self-mockery are detailed and analyzed, and it is not difficult for the viewer to see, even 22 years after this film was made. the poignant relevance of the diagram.

From beginning to end, the persistent racist iconography of United States media of all types are laid bare…for a very few interested people. It is no surprise that this film was already lost by the time it was made, it’s too alive, too cutting to be allowed.


California Newsreel still publishes entertaining and socially concious films:
http://www.newsreel.org/

23 January 2008

Black Snake Moan


Black Snake Moan
United States - 2007
Director - Craig Brewer

I know this isn't a lost video, but I watched it and was inspired to write a tirade of sorts.

I watched Black Snake Moan tonight while folding laundry and drinking. It's a poorly made movie in basically all ways. It's sincere and well intentioned overall, but in a bad way. It had all the trappings of an exploitation movie, but delivered only feel-good knee slapping yukkery.

I love traditional blues music, so I was interested in this, but frankly Sam Jackson is not a good singer. The use of historical Son House interview footage was ill-concieved and stuck out like a sore thumb. The professional actors were tasked with filling in the empty boring bits that plagued the remainder, and it showed. Perhaps even to the point of revealing the actors own lack of skill. Sam Jackson does not belong behind a microphone, and his most genuine try at (reproducing Muddy Waters and others) delta blues does not make me even slightly less than rigid in the knees.

While I respect the intent of the film, a somewhat inspiring tale of po', damaged south'n folk of multiple colors, it doesn't suceed on any level beyond saccharine. I was embarassed to watch many of the dramatic, sappy scenes, and fast>>forwarded to the ones that were equally predictable, but less insipid.

This makes me think of a lousy remake of Always Outnumbered, Always Outgunned, a damn good HBO original movie starring Lawrence Fishburne. Did I mention Black Snake Moan is way crappier?

The poster art gives the impression of corrupt morality and good old fashined exploitation, I mean c'mon, a girl in chains and a sweaty, dirty glowering guy? Classic! But no, the innefectual appearance of Christina Ricci's chest glands utterly fails to validate the wastage of the unused explosive potential of southern, whiskey, blues, and exploitation. Damn shame.

The Super Inframan

The Super Inframan
China - 1975
Director - Shan Hua
Red Sun, ?, DVD

Great calamities on earth have got the science squad scratching their heads, but when their HQ is menaced they realize that the source of the problem is Princess Dragon Mom, who has built a castle out of giant skulls manned by an army of skeleton men and scaly bestial mutants.
She demands control of all mankind, and the science squad has only one option, modernization! They turn their best man, Rayma into a superhero (China's first!), a cyborg superhero named Super Inframan. When the humans refuse her demands, Dragon Mom sends her mutants out one at a time to cause some environmental damage and get her message across, but each time Inframan shows up in his slick plastic spaceman outfit and handily defeat them. No matter how many of her lackeys are defeated, Dragon Mom merely reiterates her demands, eventually abducting a member of the innocent younger generation. A last-ditch desperate move by a simplistic, outdated social (system) monster in dire straights. I think you know what's going to happen next.
This whole movie looks so silly it's kind of hard to believe that it was ever taken seriously, but that's exactly the point. This entire film is a metaphor for a very serious subject, the rapid modernization of China's economy and society taking place at the time. Superstition and traditional religion/Veneration are superceded by the miracles of scientific rigor and the market economy. And what about the fact that the entire science squad is men, who save not only vulnerable women, but a country threatened by the backward primitivism of Dragon Mom and her spooky mutants of myth and traditionalism?
The mutants can never evolve, they're stuck with what they've got, they can only hope to slow the progress of the future with the few clumsy outdated tools they have.
Inframan on the other hand, is a modern fellow, ostensibly capable of infinite upgrades, and always looking forward to the next. Such is China, a huge nation struggling to free itself from perceived (at home and abroad) primitivism, and pull itself into the forefront of the global market. The Super Inframan is China's future, a pragmatic, rigorous, dynamic, and exciting (not to mention bright Red!) future. I'm all for it.

Some alternate DVD covers/poster art:

22 January 2008

Goin' All The Way

Goin' All the Way
United States - 1982
Director - Robert Freedman
Monterey Home Video, 1982 (Four Rivers and Clark Film), VHS (oversize box cut down to fit a clamshell case)

In retrospect, I wanted this to be terrible, I wanted a crude fumbling autistic parable of teen life. I needed to know that stupid weak people really exist, and the future of America is a vapid backslapping circle jerk of "cave-bros". On second thought, I don't think there can even be that much hidden meaning underneath such shamefully sincere waste.

There lies beneath all the mess of subgenerical diffusion, a sort of strange corner of deviation called the Teen Sex Comedy. Or maybe the Highschool Sex Comedy or some other such combination of similar words. These movies enjoyed a brief heyday in the 80's with such memorable hits as Porky's, Screwballs and the somewhat tamer skid mark of a Bill Murray movie, Meatballs. Balls. The genre has persisted into modern times, a strange, always awkward throwback to increasingly fictitious days when public highschool was goofy and awkward, but ultimately fun. Among the members of this genre exist varying degrees of sexual explicitness. Strangely, though Goin' All the Way sounds like it's among the more graphic and in the end eventually delivers, it seems perpetually unsure.

Monica, like the film itself, is driven by desires beyond her comprehension to give it up, but too scared or perhaps too romantically delusioned to do so. Artie is Monica's boyfriend, the class goof, along with his pal Vinnie (I made this name up, I can't remember and I don't like Vinnies). Vinnie sleeps with anything that moves, Artie wishes he could sleep with anything. He's dating Monica though, and she's got her legs crossed like a bouncer's arms. All her friends encourage her to fuck, and Vinnie makes fun of Artie to the extent that he and Monica break up. Artie hooks up with the school slut, who's also the girlfriend of the school fat jerk. Monica hooks up with creepy rapist college dude, also toucher of little kids. Newly free, the two boys go on a quest to get laid, goofy antics ensue, and, there's a few brief, somewhat cold scenes of boobs and heavy petting, some "bro" homophobic humor and then sex talk at school.

Through all this one gets the feeling of dirtyness. When the big shower scene is a full body solo-feature of the big fat goon scrubbing his armpits, you know there's going to be hell to pay. Minutes later, he gets friction with the ugliest girl in the movie, in the sweatiest most graphic sex scene in the movie, in the front seat of a sportscar, immediately followed by a prolonged shot of him pissing in the bushes, belching and drinking a beer. Homecoming is a "straw hat, bib-overalls type affair".


The uncut cover in low resolution.

A terrible poster from Cinema du Meep.

16 January 2008

Born of Fire

Born of Fire
United Kingdom - 1983
Director – Jamil Dehlavi
Vidmark Entertainment, 1987, VHS

Some lady is looking into a giant observatory telescope, apparently at the sun, hears some weird music that compells her to attend a flute recital. In the drawing room, the mere sight of her induces nausea in Paul, the flute soloist.
I’ve become wary of films involving flutes, and this sounds like it’s gonna be weird.
Driving back to his dieing mothers house with this strange unexplained woman, they arrive just in time for a few final raspy words before she gives up the ghost. Taking a bath after the funeral, the woman reveals to Paul the nature of his fathers mysterious death in Turkey many years ago. Paul decides to go to Turkey and confront his fathers archrival-flautist, the Master Musician, a netherworldly Islamic djinn which breathes fire, and can shoot fire out of it’s eyes.

In Turkey Paul meets an Islamic vision guide to walk him through the rest of this bizarre supernatural flautist movie. The woman suddenly shows up in Turkey, which doesn’t seem to phase Paul. Shacking up with him in his carved rock temple she tames his half savage, mute and deformed half-brother, then becomes possessed by the Master Musician and rapes Paul. Meanwhile, like a Gollum with his skin-flute flopping around on screen, the Music Master stalks around his fiery cave playing flute melodies to taunt Paul. Later the woman wades into a giant mineral hot springs and disgorges a massive deluge of menstrual blood filled with large amphibian eggs. Returning later she retrieves a giant moth cocoon that she buries in the Master Musicians cave. When the moth emerges, she dies in agony in the arms of the savage who suddenly learns to scream.

Now Paul and his raving fanatical brother perform an incredible flute and baritone duet which makes the hotsprings overflow into the Music Masters cave, drowning him and his flutes.
I thought this was going to be a little bit like Exorcist 2 for a few minutes, while it has some similarities it got better, and it’s certainly one of the only movies I’ve seen to use Islamic theology in such a positive and interesting way. Unfortunately all the bizarrity is delivered with such deadpan sincerity and so little explanation that nothing seems out of the ordinary, even the actors seem to take it all in stride. It’s really only in retrospect that I’d realized what I had witnessed, and by that time it was too late, I didn’t want to watch any more flutes of either kind.



Searching for images online I came across a series of web pages, including a Born of Fire page maintained by Nabil Shaban, the actor who played the savage half-brother, check 'em out, they're pretty interesting.

15 January 2008

Panther Squad



Panther Squad
France, Belgium - 1984
Director – Pierre Chevalier
Lightning Video, 1986, VHS
Run Time - 1 hour, 27 min.


This looks good so far, I can already tell that it is edited from several different movies, or unfinished ones anyway, and is headed red-line, straight down the what-the-'eff-obahn.
The opening scenes concern the launch of a "Space Jeep" the first step in a program to colonize space(?). Cheap 20-year-old sci-fi spaceship footage is intercut with a guy in an office shot in south-western Europe (Italy, France, Spain?), and a third reel of a droopy old man stuck in a closet. He's the president of N.O.O.N., New Organization Of Nations, addressing the world live to announce the successful start to their space program. The broadcast is abrupty jammed by Clean Space, a world terrorist organization bent on preventing the pollution of space. They've developed a magnetic wave beam of some sort to control the "Space Jeep" which they intend to hold hostage indefinitely. When N.O.O.N. plans to launch a second "Space Jeep", Clean Space abducts their new pilot and issues an ultimatum.
At this point, N.O.O.N. is fed up, and calls in their best rogue agent (mercenary, hitman?) Ilona (Sybil Danning) and her considerable assets to solve the problem. She arrives somewhere in Spain I think(?), and meets up with super-agent Frank, a total hangdog lush who slurs her in the general direction of some badguys. Ilona calls in her super secret agent-esses, the Panther Squad, whom we have witnessed in a previous scene must pass a rigorous screening test before receiving the stamp of approval on their bulging curvaceous files.

After a quick dip in the pool when they arrive, the Pantheresses gear up in their bikini's.

Oh, wait, they're already ready, um they go out and track down Clean Space, which as it turns out is led by barely understandable French mental patients.

Just as the insane Spanish general (probably the best character in the movie) who is exploiting Clean Space for his Fascist plot raves himself into a tyrannical triumph speech, the girls arrive and stumble their way to a narrow, ridiculous, and uninspiring victory.

The only two real connecting threads that weave their way through this disasterpiece of haphazard frankenfilm are Danning's usual broad rump, and Frank (Jack Taylor, I swear I recognize this guy from something!?) the barely-conscious drunk who provides an awkwardly inserted point of ironic metaphorical humor.

The director, writer, and editor must have been drunk when they made this, and you should be too to enjoy it. I was, and therefore did.


Watch the Panther Squad trailer at Cult Trailers.


The awesome still shot of Sybil Danning that became the cover art.