Many years ago, before I had fully grasped the breadth of Italian exploitation cinema, every visit to the video store was an exciting suspenseful event. The moments of jubilation have thinned out a bit over the years, coming less and less often the more movies I see, but they’re still there. Often, when digging through the archive, I can re-live some of those moments with my old Italian friends.
Much attention has been recently and deservedly shined upon Enzo Castellari’s awesome 1982 film New Barbarianshere and here, or Warriors of the Wasteland as it is sometimes called. The unexpected grab-bag of plot elements in that film are pretty stunning when you first see them. On subsequent viewings one can only wonder if such odd and shocking choices were intentional or incidental. It really is quite an experience, but for me it came several years after seeing another movie that really blew my mind. As a result I can only compare New Barbarians, and frankly any other Italian post-apocalypse film somewhat unfavorably with Giuliano Carnimeo’s 1983 cheap epic Exterminators of the Year 3000 (Gli sterminatori dell’anno 3000, or ExY3K)
Before my exposure to this film I’d had no idea that the Italians had ripped off anything other than horror movies and westerns. By “ripped off” I mean of course, “made much more entertaining”, but ExY3K was a revelation that opened the door to a whole new realm of dizzy anticipation. Exterminators runs with the random, ad-hoc style that typifies Italian narrative, and sets it to classic low-quality Italian synthesizer (from Detto Mariano.) When one character plays the theme on his harmonica, no attempt is made to simulate a harmonica sound on the audio track. It is as crudely dubbed and instantly recognizable as the English voices from any number of Italian movies and makes me feel like I’ve known these people through the thick and thin of their lives. From the zombie onslaughts to the bank robberies, to the desperate hand to hand combat in the nuclear wasteland.
"Once more into the breach you mothergrabbers!" Crazy Bull and his lieutenant oversee some extermination.
The antagonist of Exterminators is Crazy Bull who speaks in Shakespearean English, including one-liners literally lifted straight from the Bard’s plays. He constantly refers to his henchmen as “mothergrabbers,” though they should in fact be properly addressed as “The Exterminators.” Their namesake is Crazy Bull’s oddly titled car, The Exterminator which, mass and velocity aside, carries no offensive capabilities. This car, clearly at the center of the films whole naming scheme, is pure enigma and serves only to keep the covetous Crazy Bull and his gang circling the protagonists like a pack of wolves.
Those protagonists are largely unsympathetic and underdeveloped save two, Tommy the little kid and Papillon the elderly ex-astronaut. Tommy and Papillon bond over the former's completely unexplained “biomechanical” arm and Papillon’s stash of vintage pull-tab Miller High-Life and Tecate beers. While he claims he can no longer even remember how to get to the moon, Papillon has no trouble repairing, and even adding custom modifications to Tommy’s robo-limb. Tommy eagerly swills Papillon’s beer as an anesthetic, while the old guy works his magic and reminisces about the good old days. This relationship is the intoxicating golden nugget around which the rest of the film lazily swirls, giving us a brief glimpse of the world as it was, is, and can be. The other two protagonists are aptly named to describe their place in this circular story arc; Alien and Trash. They are solitary opportunists, but the characters with whom the viewer ultimately identifies, for they are the ones who have the coolest costumes and the transformative experience, ably guided by the optimism and promise of Tommy and Papillon.
Biomechanical arm plus Tecate equals awesome!
Most post-apocalypse story arcs adhere to some sort of heavy handed morality. The Italians however prefer to pile on the fun stuff like they were punk kids making a movie from a box of “cool parts.” What’s good about ExY3K is it manages to play that ridiculous combination with absolute sincerity, even ending it with an ironic twist that makes the entire narrative basically pointless. It is a surprise worthy of any Bruno Mattei film. It is an artifact of an era when exploitation cinema was white-hot and the Italians were ready at the video forge. If I could construct a post-apocalypse world all my own, these things would be happening in what remained of southern Italy at the same time that Max was roaming Oz.
This nice Roadshow Home Video sleeve is from Rolfens DVD of Denmark.
I couldn't help but watch Alfonso Brescia'sBeast In Space after having my mind totally exploded by his Trilogy of Pain. I wish I could go back and watch them again for the first time and feel violated all over again. That is why these days I watch whatever other Brescia trash I come across. I no longer feel surprised, but I want to recreate that feeling of shock and awe. The last one I found entirely by accident, realizing that Amazons vs. Supermen was a Brescia film only because the music had been recycled, and because it was such a unique flavor of terrible. I bought it because it was co-produced by the Shaw Bros. Studio and I was hoping for some bizarre kung-fu. What I got was a godawful emotional hangover.
I kindof found this one in the same way except that I spotted Brescia's pseudonym, "Al Bradley" in the opening credits. Beast In Space is a more "modern" spin on the French arthouse bestiality porno La Bete (The Beast, 1975). In Brescia's "space" version the Beast is a guy with goat legs (pants with hair glued on), ostensibly a satyr with a giant cock and a preference for human astronaut women. The rest of the plot is a barely connected mess of recycled garbage from the Trilogy, which to be perfectly honest was pretty much just recycling itself already.
This has the exact same feel as the Trilogy, foggy ethereal, and very low budget with an underlying foundation of swinger innuendo. The difference of course is that in this case, they follow through on the innuendo. There is an X rated version of Beast In Space, but I watched the soft version. Plain old grinding is fine with me, I have a hard time with the clinical body-double penetration shots typical of this era and genre, they're gross. (Like Thriller: A Cruel Picture) But it leaves me wondering if there are dirty versions of the Trilogy. Sleaze certainly fits the atmosphere set in those earlier films (and copied in this film), and it seems likely that the feel of the film, regardless of the plot/context should give us an indication of the film-makers true passion. Either Brescia's spaceships look like cheap nightclubs, or cheap nightclubs look like Brescia's spaceships. For all intents and purposes, they're the same thing.
rest of the film lazily swirls, giving us a brief glimpse of the world as it was, is, and can be. The other two protagonists are aptly named to describe their place in this circular story arc; Alien and Trash. They are solitary opportunists, but the characters with whom the viewer ultimately identifies, for they are the ones who have the coolest costumes and the transformative experience, ably guided by the optimism and promise of Tommy and Papillon.
